Understanding, Coping, and Learning to Thrive in the Community Management Environment.
By Julie Adamen

The 4th in a series of giving manager's tools they can use right now to better their working lives.                                                                                                                                                    

Almost all issues which cause managers undue stress boil down to change, or, as one manager put it, "Dealing with The Unexpected." "The Unexpected," or "The Unforeseen" and, of course, dealing with "The Unhappy" is the very nature of community association management. There is no getting around it, unanticipated events happens with such alarming frequency, they become, well, almost expected. How we deal with those unforeseen events, in the larger sense, often requires managers develop a different mind-set than the one with which they started. Those who fail to adapt burn out very quickly; those who do adapt tend to stay in the profession much longer, and with more satisfaction.

Learning how to cope with change, with "The Unexpected," is a skill that often, if not always, is ignored by the industry as a whole, as we take a sink-or-swim attitude with our managers, instead of giving them tools to deal with these everyday scenarios.'

In order to make sure we talked about what matters to you, the manager, we spoke with several of your colleagues, from different regions, on site and portfolio, and asked them this question:

          "What do you find the most stressful aspect of your job?"

The similarities were striking in every answer received and discussed. Here are just some of the issues (in no particular order), and some practical, everyday suggestions on deal­ing with them:

Answer A: "The verbal abuse received from homeowners."

Novice managers are particularly susceptible to verbal abuse. This is usually a huge source of stress, and a change in their normal work life. Being yelled at, cursed and blamed for something they usually had no control over - with no opportunity to defend them‑selves or their actions. When it happens to you, always remember:

Its not a personal attack on you. What that person on the other end of the phone, or standing in your office, or (worse yet) at a Board Meeting says has nothing to do with you as a person. And unless you let it, it will have no effect on how you cook dinner, how you pick up the kids, how you walk the dog, or how you deal with the next issue that comes across your desk. Know that and you posses the ability to let it roll off your back.

Understand they have an agenda. The person who just yelled at you, or cursed you, or wrote you a nasty letter, is no exception. The agenda may be as simple as the need to be powerful at your expense. Or, aside from the few who are plain nuts, they may be frus­trated at the system or at something in their lives. Without additional psychob­abble, does this excuse the behavior? No way. But knowing that it is NOT YOUR FAULT can go a long way towards helping you begin to deal with the abuse that has come or is coming your way.

Start focusing on the best of your day. When the worst happens to you, there is a need to cuss, discuss, dissect, analyze and generally obsess over the issue (especially for women). Need to get it out? Fine. But do it once - not to everyone who'll listen (or whom you've cornered). THEN MOVE ON (A word to the wise - choose whom you vent on carefully, and make sure its not someone who might blurt out sensitive informa­tion at an inopportune moment...).

Here's something to try if you've had one of those days when a home­owner has dumped on you: At 4:50pm, sit down, put the phone on hold, take a deep breath and think of five good things that happened that day, or for which you are grateful. It doesn't matter if it is work related or not. Are you proud your daughter got a B in calcu­lus? Are the hydrangeas in full bloom? Did you wake up alive this morning? Was tonight's Board meeting cancelled due to lack of a quorum? Good for you! Now isn't that something better to focus on?

Answer B: "Being blindsided (by a Board member, homeowner, etc.)"

I call this The Sniper Effect. And like the expert marksmen the^y are, they lay in wait for any opportunity to make themselves feel better at your expense. And they usually do it as publicly as possible, at Board Meetings, Committee Meetings, or, their favorite, Annual Meetings, and it usually goes like this:

The manager immediately recog­nizes the attack of The Sniper, with agony. Deer-in-the-headlights, red-face, fever, palpitations where just one minute earlier you were the cool, calm, collect­ed professional. What to do when you are stricken with that level of (usually public) stress?

Breathe (don't talk). The first thing (after the palpitations start) you need to do is breathe deeply. Breathe deeply maybe two or three times.

Resist the urge provide a quick answer. Snipers have been planning this scenario for awhile. They know you don't have the answer - otherwise, they wouldn't have placed you in this position.

Ask them to repeat the question/accusation - and listen to them carefully. This gives you time to focus, breathe, and collect yourself.

Repeat the question back to The Sniper. Be very sincere about this; ask if you have understood the issue clearly.

Understand that it is OK not to have an answer. You are not Kreskin.` You (probably) had „o idea this was coming; thus, you are unprepared to have a definitive answer. It is OK. In a plain, professional tone (watch that your voice stays within its normal range, and try not to go a notch or two up), that you are obviously unprepared to answer at this time; however, you will research the issue and report back to the Board of Directors, and their direction, to The Sniper.

Don't get drawn in to more give and take. Giving The Sniper an unemotion­al, professional, short response is your best bet in dealing with the situation. Don't get sucked in to defending your­self, your company, your Board, etc. The Sniper lives for this - they have sat up at night thinking of all the angles. You just happened to be the person "on point."

Today's news is tomorrow's fish wrap! Though it may have seemed like hours, you were in The Sniper's sites only a few moments. It may have been very pub­lic, but no one will give it the importance you do. Besides, everyone there probably knows The Sniper, or at least has been put in a similar situation sometime in their lives. Put it in per­spective: One year from now, will it matter (remember Monica Lewi.nsky?)?

Answer C: "The most unexpected disaster can happen at anytime - and I'm totally responsible."

Well, yes and no. Yes, the most unexpected disaster can happen at any time - and - admit it - it is one of the most excit­ing things about the job. Never a dull moment! But, No, you are not totally responsible for the "disaster" - you are respon­sible for seeing it through to a reasonable conclusion. It's a mindset, and one the long-term manager has developed and implements daily.

You are not alone. Board members, subcontractors, staff members all contribute to alleviating that day's particular chal­lenge. You are the glue that binds them together, true, but the responsibility is actually shared by all.

Stop controlling and start managing. You are paid to man­age situations, people, associations, and more. Not control them. There is a difference, and understanding that difference can make a your position much more enjoyable and much less stressful (If you are an on site manager, it can make a major dif­ference in your longevity at a particular community). Managing communities is often like herding cats: You can get them to go in some general direction, but when part of the herd veers off course, you can't pick them all up at once and throw them back in with the herd. You may be able, however, to gen­tly cajole them back on a positive track. Or maybe not. But you can forward their mail to a new location.

It's their community. Whatever path the Board takes the community down, remember, it's their community. And it's your job to provide professional advice and recommendation through the use of consultants (you and others), subcontractors and industry information. When you have exhausted this por­tion of your responsibility, don't fret and worry about how irre­sponsible you think they are being. LET GO. If they want to paint the trees purple and plant them upside down, it's their prerogative. Management doesn't recommend it, but can cause it to be done expeditiously (just remember to Memo the file and CYA).

NEXT! I love this term, and when I'm very stressed over some real or perceived slight, or something someone said or dice to me or about me, or something I tried that didn't work out as planned, I try to say, in a very forceful and self-convincing way, "Next!" Meaning, it's over, move on, it's past, and life is parad­ing by. There are plenty of new challenges to be faced, let this one go.

Community managers are under an extraordinary amount of stress, and many are under-equipped to deal with it. The anxiety felt by managers, anticipating the next "unexpected" event, worrying they won't know what to do, is universal. Acknowledging and discussing the sources of stress, and giving managers tools they can use to alleviate it, can help managers feel their job is more fulfilling, rewarding, and a heck of a lot easier to cope with.

1) www.go.com                      

2) There are notable exceptions - and those firms generally have a much lower turnover rate.

3) "The Amazing Kreskin" - a clairvoyant.