By Julie Adamen

Note: This “letter” is a composite based upon a series of emails and phone conversations that have taken place in the past year between myself and a number of experienced community managers. These problems brought forth are not unique to these managers or those companies and are in fact simply variations on a theme that I hear from managers continually: She said “I have issues within my company and I feel powerless to do anything about them. I feel so stressed out I am about to walk out.” This is a sign on high stress with negative ramifications both the manager and the company. I thought we should spend some time talking about what role we play in these situations, and how we can communicate with our supervisors in a productive and professional manner to change the course of the downward spiral to burn out. See what you think:

“I am an experienced community manager. Recently I moved to a new management company, accepting a position as the Senior Manager of one of their regional offices. Although I love the people I work with, I don’t think I can take it much longer. I am managing three people, supervising their accounts and managing nine of my own, as well as doing all the marketing for this office.  I find myself working 6 or 7 days per week just to keep up. I have asked for additional help for my office, but I’m told my office is losing money – yet they won’t provide me a budget so I know where to plug the hole. On top of it, the owner of the company makes periodic (about every two weeks) appearances, which are fine, except that he acts as if I am the dumbest person in the world and he can’t stand me. He’s condescending, he cuts me off, and he goes through my accounts and criticizes my work product. I don’t want to quit, but I am at my wit’s end. What do you suggest?”

Signed: Going Down in Flames:

Dear Flames:

I am very aware of your company and its challenges. I think you do have the ability to affect positive change, and it will take a two pronged approach – one having to do with you and how you manage yourself and your days(s), and how you approach your company with your challenges and the solutions thereto. Let’s look at what you can do for yourself, right now, with the situation at hand:

Direct issues: 1^st Prong:

Your boss doesn’t like you. It may feel personal, but chances are its not and if someone asked your boss if he liked you, he’s say “Of course I like her!” It’s your boss’s personality. Your boss may be under some stress himself and that is how he handles his stress. And. Like it or not, there is no rule that a boss must like all his employees. Is this desirable? No, but it’s a reality, and something with which you will have to deal. Since he only comes to your office once every two weeks for a short time, I would say you are probably focusing on this issue way too much. I understand we want to be appreciated, but it appears that this well is dry. Trying to make sense of it may be a big waste of time.  

Your office is losing money yet they won’t provide you a budget. My best guess here is that they don’t have a separate budget for your office broken out of the main budget, which they don’t want you to see (that’s ok) or they don’t want you to know they don’t have a separate budget. Or, your office is making money and they don’t want you to know so you won’t ask for help and/or more money, because they aren’t making money somewhere else. This is an upper management issue and one that you will most likely have little luck changing in your current position. However, when middle management (you) has knowledge of their office financials this feedback to middle management provides a measuring tool to develop and effect changes to make the office more productive.   

You are working 6 or 7 days per week. Without actually being there, it’s hard for me to judge, but I would suspect that much of that is your doing – or, rather, poor time and communication management on your part.

Our conversation has told me you are still trying to answer every email and phone call within minutes of receiving it, just like we did in the old days, and just like you did when you only had the responsibilities of a portfolio manager.  The problem is, in this world of instant communication, you (physically) can’t do this, and it’s not necessary. You must adjust your availability to the level to which you have risen: Supervisor with several accounts of their own and several to supervise. This means that emails  or phone calls from homeowners about barking dogs can either be delegated to staff (if you have it), or reviewed at a set time. Not immediately. Use auto-response on your email to let people know you have received their email, and get to it at a time you proscribe. Then get back to them.  If they insist on speaking with you, set a time that works with your schedule. If you continue to respond immediately to non-emergencies like a manager from the old days, and not a supervisor in today’s management environment, you are setting yourself up for failure and burn out.

Improving the Company Thing:  2^nd Prong:

Now, Flames, let’s talk about how to approach your company in a positive and professional manner. Of utmost importance is for you to decide who in your company’s hierarchy are you to discuss all of these issues first? The answer, almost always, should be your immediate supervisor.

Make an appointment. Call or email your supervisor and ask for 30 minutes of their time in a face to face meeting. You make yourself available to your supervisor’s schedule, at his or her office or yours. Do not have this meeting over the phone.

Make your list and check it twice. For your meeting to take on the importance which you want it to you must be prepared and act prepared. This means having a list of items which you want to address. Make it short and stick to the BIG issues. This is not the time to complain that you can’t get toner out of the main office fast enough.

Discuss “issues” and not “incidents.” An issue is the overall problem, and incident is something specific has the tendency to look like petty complaining. This is something about which you must be cautious because you are bringing to light problems that have to do with the very structure of the company as well as the personality of the owner.[1] Tread professionally yet lightly. Your issues for this meeting are 1) The need for additional help, which is tied with 2) A need for an office budget, 3) Your need for a better relationship with your boss.

Stay focused. Remember to stay focused on the purpose of the meeting. Avoid digressing in to everyday war stories, or other issues pertaining to anything but the purpose for which you are there. 

Maintain distance. You may be friends with your supervisor, but this is not the time to be all gushy about it (one of the pitfalls of having your work and social life blend together). Your supervisor is your friend only up to a point – if comes to you or the company, the supervisor will always choose the company, most probably, as he or she should. Just don’t YOU forget it. This is business.

Have solutions at the ready. If you really want to be taken seriously, have real-world solutions to each of the problems you are going to bring up. Having solutions means you have given a lot of thought to these items, and aren’t just using your supervisor as an emotional and problem dumping ground. Having solutions means you are proactive at finding resolution, are a team player and are understanding of the bigger picture. I find the biggest stumbling block for people to get things accomplished in large companies is that they expect someone else to solve their problems without having to contribute to the solution.

Don’t cry. No, I’m not being sexist, but seldom do men cry when going over office problems with their supervisors. Unfortunately many women do because we take all the problems personally, as if they are OUR fault. In addition, it’s the way many of us let off stress. If you think you are in danger of crying during this meeting – do something else to burn off that stress prior to the meeting: Go to the gym, take a brisk walk, whatever. Or know you can have a good cry when you get done with meeting and are safely in your car. Crying while discussing these issues only shoes that you have either gone over the edge, or aren’t emotionally capable of handling the position anyway.

Acknowledge your Role. Always acknowledge your role in this current situation. You know that you can probably manage your time a little better, and that you are adjusting to a supervisory position. It’s ok to say this – not only is it true, but it shows you understand that you aren’t in a vacuum and you assume your portion of responsibility and are willing to work to better the situation on your end.

No ultimatums. There’s always a chance that nothing will be done to better the situations you are facing, and you may find that out at this meeting with your supervisor, or at a subsequent meeting. My experience has been, and my advice to you is, never give an ultimatum unless you are prepared to act on it (giving an ultimatum and never following through simply makes you lose any power you had within the company hierarchy), or are prepared to have them accept your ultimatum immediately. Lastly…

Don’t wait until you are at the end of your rope. Unfortunately, most people wait until they are at wits end to take action as proscribed above – which is to their detriment. Allowing yourself to become so stressed and upset keeps you from being able to focus on many different levels particularly on these three important issues: On your day to day job, in the meeting you finally call with your supervisory, on your professionalism and dignity. When you are at the end of your rope, you don’t know how you will react to a given situation, and are often unable to control your emotions. If you’re this far gone: It’s probably too late for you to be productive.

Will it Work? Will this methodology work for you? I don’t know because we are dealing with people. The possible combinations of person’s responses to situations are nearly impossible to predict. However, these are tried and true methods to develop communications for problem resolution and you have a better chance for success than doing nothing. If the methodology does not work you will know that you have done everything in your power to make your situation more tenable, which, whether the realize it or not, is also the best thing for your company. This is a win psychologically for you as you know that you are proactive. You know that when something needs to be fixed you can act as a professional and bring viable solutions to the table. This provides you with pride and confidence. You should also know that you cannot change the entire world but you can make a difference if you try. If it doesn’t work and things don’t improve, you can move on with a clear conscience.

Giving Back.

Sometimes I feel like “Dear Abby.” I receive emails and phone calls, almost daily, from managers asking for advice on how to do this or that, or what to say to their supervisor, or how to approach a Board on some issue or another.   A large portion of my advice applies to many managers situations. It can be comforting to know that many problems are not so unique that others have not experienced them and found solutions.

 I do enjoy helping people and if I can make a difference by providing advice from my professional experiences, and from those of others. It’s my way of giving back to the industry.