By Julie Adamen

Click here to get this complete article and October 2007 NewsLine in PDF format

I'm going to go out on a professional limb here and admit this subject may be a rather frou-frou[1] to some, and at least it is more so than about which I usually write. Lately I have been enmeshed in some self-examination. Maybe it's just middle-aged wanderings, but amidst those wanderings, I picked up a copy of the controversial and best-selling book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne[2]. I devoured the book in an hour was struck by one all-pervasive thought: I have been using and living  many of the tenets outlined in The Secret my entire life, to good and bad effect. [3] My next thoughts were about how those tenets relate to our industry and the people within it: Our successes, failures, frustrations and how we reach for the stars.  How we internalize success.  

Over the years I have written extensively about career development and enhancement. In 2004 I wrote what I felt was a definitive series (reprinted in 2006) about the ability to Recognize and Act upon Opportunity.[4] Within that article, I discussed those in our industry who are successful, and how they became successful by possessing the six basic elements for success.  It struck me: These people are using and living tenets of The Secret.

Why bother? Because I am painfully aware of the trials and travails of average managers-in-the-trenches from all over the country, and they need help.  In fact, yesterday I spoke with three managers, all of whom were so beyond burned out (one in tears) that two of the three are contemplating leaving the industry altogether. It really bummed me out.  And each of these managers, had they known about and used certain principles espoused in The Secret, may have had a very different, more positive professional experience.

"The law of attraction is giving you what you are thinking about, period." [5]

Recognize your thoughts.  In the world of community management it is easy to get sucked in to the Vortex of Negativity. First, you recognize that you are surrounded by negativity, and it makes you feel negative.  Then you lament that negativity, and become negative yourself. You are now perpetuating more negativity. The Secret's theory says it's the Law of Attraction in action: By thinking negatively, by expecting negativity, by complaining about your own negative circumstances you are attracting those same circumstances, and like thoughts, to yourself. Piling on negativity in what is an already negative environment is not what we want to achieve as managers - not if we want to survive and thrive in this business. How to break this downward spiral of negative focus? Change your thought processes from negative to positive.

"Every time an individual has a …prolonged chronic way of thinking… Something is going to manifest out of those thoughts."[6]

How to change your way of thinking?   When you begin to feel that negative spiral you must consciously make yourself start thinking about something else, something pleasant and that gives you joy, leaving those negative thoughts behind you.  Think about your dog, your child, hiking in the mountains, or your vacation to the lake last year.  Play music that uplifts you.  "If you want to change anything in your life, change the frequency by changing your thoughts." [7] Help yourself go from anger or sadness to feelings of happiness and well-being. As like attracts like, feelings of well-being promote a much more positive mind-set.

… Adjust what you are thinking, because if you are thinking about something you don't want - you will bring that negative circumstance in to your life, as the theory says the Law of Attraction does not differentiate between "I want this" and "I don't want this." It just responds to the subject matter.

How many times have you said "I don't want to go to this Board meeting, I just know they are going to be all on my case!" - And then the negative meeting becomes reality. Yes, at times that is simply your management acumen reading the situation correctly, but had you been focusing on that meeting having a positive outcome, the tenets of The Secret would tell us that the meetings will likely become those which we are confident, professional and successful. If you are thinking about a bad meeting, a bad meeting is what you will receive. Be aware of what you are thinking, and consciously adjust that thinking to the positive.  

I can hear some of you now: "I didn't attract that crappy account, that nasty Board member, or that crummy vendor who left me hanging." The Secret's theory: One way or another, you did through attraction (maybe you just couldn't tell your boss no when he gave that account to you). But because you did not deliberately attract that crummy account or vendor, it's easy to see why so many of you may have a hard time believing you brought those circumstances in to your lives.

"This is one of the hardest concepts to get,

but once you've accepted it, its life transforming." [8]

For me, the easiest way to comprehend this principle of like attracts like is to put it in terms of black and white. I have a choice to believe one of the following: 1) I have no control over circumstances or events in my life, or, 2) I have a choice, and what I choose will become my experience.  I believe the latter because I have used this theory consciously and unconsciously to profound affect and effect. Why are you are you stuck with that crummy account, board, or vendor? Because you think you are! Stop thinking you are stuck and expect better!

"Expectations are a powerful attractive force. Expect things you want, and don't expect things you don't want." [9]

Expectations. When you get up in the morning, what are you expecting to happen that day? Good things? Mediocre things? Bad things? Guess what. Whatever you expect, you will experience. Let me share with you one of mine:

I do a lot of public speaking. Even though I enjoy it, there is always that part of me thinking - "Oh, the audience is going to be awful. Oh, I might bomb. Oh, I won't get there on time." All of these are normal feelings for public speakers. Recently I was slated to speak at my local CAI's annual Community Association Day, and over 100 attendees signed up to hear my seminar. The day before the event, I consciously swept all thoughts of failure out of my head. I deliberately made expectations for the event, for my performance and for the audience.  I also fully expected to arrive at the venue on time and without hurry. I held these expectations in my head while driving the freeway and finding a parking spot. I held them when I got to the venue and set up. I held them as people filed in. I held them up to the moment I started to speak. And, you guessed it - I nailed it. In fact, it was one of the best seminars I have ever given, period, with great audience reaction and participation. I believe I brought this about by expecting the best.  

"Visualization is the process of creating pictures in your

mind of yourself enjoying what you want." [10]

Visualize what you want. Visualization is a very powerful method in bringing about what you want because it helps to internalize success.  For our immediate application as managers, let's go back to the Board meeting you currently believe will be less pleasant than a colonoscopy.  Take 5 minutes in a quiet place, close your eyes and visualize yourself at that meeting. You are calm, professional and well-prepared.  As you look to each Board member at the table, they are also calm and affable. Some are even smiling. They are approving the management report you have given them. One actually tells you "thank you." You can see the table, you can hear your pen scratching on the paper to take notes, and you can smell the room in which the meeting is held.  All is going well. Think it, and feel how that feels when success is yours, in your hand. When you open your eyes, keep that sensation of success in mind, and every time the dread of that meeting begins to creep back, you must consciously go back to that feeling of success. Push the negative aspects out of your mind. Stay focused on the positive outcome of that meeting and of your success. Chances are that meeting, when it does take place, will go much better than you originally expected.

This works with big stuff, too. I know of a manager who has used visualization and expectation to vault himself where he wanted to be professionally.  This manager had always set high goals. First there was an MBA after leaving the military, and then he went directly in to on site community management. A better position and more money was part of his vision, and he received those within a year or two.  Within a few more years, he had one of the highest paying on site positions on the west coast with an extremely affluent large-scale association. But that wasn't the end of our hero's vision.  He had another expectation of success: To own a management company specializing in large-scale properties and high rises.  Now, within two years of obtaining that high paying job, he was sought out by another large-scale community. He declined their several overtures for interview, yet they persisted.  Finally, he relented to an interview and declined their offer.  The Board asked, "What is it that you want?" And he told them of his next goal, to own that company.  That Board said, "Fine. Get a business license and an LLC; we'll contract your management company to run our community - and all of our sub associations."  I spoke to him recently, and as he told me this remarkable story, I said - "You manifested this right in to your lap!" He paused and said "You read The Secret!"   This manager is living what he deliberately set forth in his mind.

Visualize a positive outcome.   Let's again go back to that upcoming Board meeting (pardon the rip in the time continuum).  You have recognized that you were thinking negatively about that meeting and have consciously adjusted your thinking to a more positive tone. Each time a negative thought came to you, you switched to thinking about something that was pleasant. You are feeling better about that meeting, maybe even feeling good! Now that you are in that place -visualize that meeting as over and with a great outcome. That is, you, walking out, feeling successful, calm, professional and ready to move forward.  This is a powerful visualization technique: Not only visualizing the meeting, but visualizing the successful outcome of that meeting.  What does visualization do for you? It keeps you from focusing on thoughts of failure and negativity - and allows you to internalize success.  

"Do you treat yourself the way you want other people to treat you?" [11]

"Many of us were taught to put ourselves last, and as a consequence we attracted feelings of being unworthy and undeserving…. (and) we continue to attract more life situations that… (make) us feel more unworthy." [12]

To make it all work, first you must treat yourself with respect.  How many managers do we know who take on more tasks, never take time off, work in excess of 60 hours per week and never ask for help or receive an increase in pay? Dozens. Hundreds. Maybe more. Not surprisingly, these are often the managers with the worst account loads and the horror stories to match. Why does it happen? The tenets of The Secret would tell us that managers in this predicament have brought it on themselves - and frankly I couldn't agree more. These managers are, by thoughts and action, sending out a signal that they are not worthy of a raise, of a better account load, or of better treatment from, well, the world at large. Those managers are allowing themselves to be treated "disrespectfully" as they do not hold themselves in esteem. How can we expect others to respect us, when we exhibit so little to ourselves? Respect yourself!

Where do you start? Fake it 'til you make it. I know this seems like a lot of work and in fact, can seem impossible - not because you can't do anything I have listed above, but because you would feel like a fake. I submit to each of you that you can and must become aware of your thoughts (and actions) and consciously change the negative to the positive even though you feel like a fake. This practice is the beginning of establishing a new behavior; but it's only practice until the behavior becomes natural and comfortable. You must behave your way to a new reality, a reality of awareness and positive thought and action, and in receipt of positive thoughts and actions from others. 

The Wrap Up. Why push self-development? Because our business can be terribly negative. For so many managers, it is very easy to be caught up in that spiral of negativity, feeling as if they have no control over the (negative) circumstances in which they continually find themselves.  Maybe we can stop that negative spiral, stop feeling as if we have no control over our daily work life and get on a road to more happiness and well-being. The Secret, as a method of self-development, may help do this without having to quit our current jobs or leave the industry all together.

Lastly, for those of you out there who are rolling your eyeballs at the whole self-help business, let me say that all of the tenets of The Secret which I have discussed are really no different than the "Dress for Success" philosophy. If you dress in a snazzy, professional suit, you feel like a million bucks and your attitude, behavior and self-image change. If those change, then the way others treat you changes - for the better. If the way others treat you changes, it begets more positive self-imaging and positive behavior from you. This theory is a well-established method for self-improvement. The Secret is about dressing your attitude, instead of your body, for success. When your attitude changes, there is no occasion for which you cannot rise successfully. And that's not a secret.