Board Members and Others...
By Julie Adamen

Well, another year ends, and I am reminded to again trot out our Manager's New Year's Resolutions. Much of it you have heard or read it before, but it's always good to be reminded that maybe we shouldn't take things so seriously, and maybe we should treat ourselves a little better.

I will not take it personally.  All of us in the community management industry operate in a very intense people- and service-oriented business.  And no matter how you slice it or sugarcoat it, the problems we deal with are often pretty negative: the sprinklers don't work, there's dog poop on the lawn, the ducks are in the swimming pool, and the snow hasn't been plowed yet. So what are YOU (the board, the manager, the vendor) going to do about it? Here's what you are going to do: You are going to take a step back, breath deeply, disengage your emotion, and work on solving the problem. Why? Because that's what we do. We solve problems for others; it's what we are elected to do, or what we are paid to do. Always remember, the negativity swirls around the problem, not around you. Don't take it personally.

I will not worry that others did not take my advice. Bottom line for managers, vendors, and board members: The community you manage, service, or are elected to govern is bigger than you. They can paint the trees purple and plant them upside down if enough of them want to do so. All you can do is recommend otherwise, pull your ego out of the mix, and… see below:

I will let go of the result. In the world of managing, servicing, or governing communities, so many things can spin out of control in an amazingly short amount of time.  Because of this fact, it is very easy to become a control freak. STOP! Do your level best, tell the truth, do professional work, do your fiduciary duty, and let go of the result. Recognize that the only thing you can control is your contribution to the situation - and NOT what happens in the end.  Letting go of the result will drop the stress level of managers and Board members alike.

I will do something for myself professionally, something that is positive yet out of my normal routine.  Let me make a suggestion to every manager, board member, and service provider: Go to the next national conference, just to see what other professionals in your industry are like, and what they are doing. Ask yourself, how are your challenges the same, or different? Perhaps you could join a local or national committee. If you are a manager, take an advanced professional class that you've been putting off. Everyone, write an article for publication.  Step out of your self-imposed parameters and expand your horizons. Giving of yourself in this manner will pay you back tenfold in the long run.

If I lose my job, contract, or elected position, I will accept it, act with dignity, and move on. As you can imagine, I deal with many people who are in crisis because they have lost their job. If I can impart just one suggestion to those of you who will face this difficult event in the future, it would be this: Take it with dignity and mourn your loss with a trusted friend or family member. Take a deep breath and vent in private, and move on. When the mourning is done, take the next step and, if applicable, start making your contacts. For managers, especially site managers, being 86'd is often a hard reality of our industry. But remember - as one door closes, a window opens.  Happens every day.

If I must terminate someone, I will do it quickly and with compassion. Supervisors and board members usually hate this part of their jobs, so this interaction probably doesn't get handled as well as it might. If you are the one doing the terminating, please allow the "dead-employee-walking" their professional courtesy - even if you feel they have given you none. Terminate them personally, quickly and in private, and allow them to say good-bye to their coworkers if they so desire and it is appropriate. Nothing is worse than terminating someone piecemeal. Remember, everyone in the office sees how you deal with this situation, and you will be accorded the respect you deserve based on how you handle it.

I will not become bogged down in things that don't matter. Many times we find ourselves in situations where, when it's all said and done, we stand back and say to ourselves "Well, THAT was a waste of time!" Truth be told, in our hearts, we knew from the get go that when we got involved it was a waste of time.  We knew all that time and emotional energy spent was going to be for nothing, or very little, yet we go right on in like a lamb to slaughter. Why? Because it's what we are used to doing: Getting involved in some drama that is not our own.  This year, let's stop spending precious emotional energy and even more precious time in the first place and just say "NO!" to those things we know are unproductive for us.  Which brings me to…

I will only fight the good fight. If you don't get all bogged down in unnecessary dramas at home or work, you will be left with enough energy, emotional and otherwise, to put up a good fight when it truly matters. How do you define "the good fight"? First you must be able to discern the difference between a real issue or an annoyance. If it isn't going to matter in a month, it's an annoyance. If it is going to affect your life, or the lives of others beyond that time, it is probably an issue. For example, your child being bullied by an older kid is pretty important. On the other hand, getting a nasty letter from an owner who needs a tinfoil hat to keep out the rays beaming from Mars, is not. The tinfoil hat man may be annoying and downright stupid, but it's not worth more than a few moments of your time. Save yourself and fight the good fight only.

I will look out for myself. We are so conditioned to think that if we put ourselves first, we are being selfish; however, there is a big difference between selfishness and self-preservation. Taking care of yourself is providing fuel to persevere the difficulties of our industry.  Think of it this way: Your car is full of gas. You drive and drive and drive and you know that inevitably you must go to the gas station and fill it up because by continually driving the car you are depleting the energy (gasoline) for the car. The car isn't being selfish, it needs refueling as per manufacturer's specifications.  You don't get mad and think "Well, I'm just going to keep driving! It's going to fill up by magic! Or if it doesn't, I'll push it! Even up that hill! And boy am I mad that no one is noticing that I am pushing my car up a hill!" Well, folks, if you know this about your car - why don't you know this about yourself?
 
To think we can continually drive ourselves without re-supplying our own energy is the height of hubris. We must replenish ourselves, or the tank runs dry. We may become ill, we may be cranky, but most assuredly we become resentful towards those to whom we are choosing to give ("Can't they see I am killing myself here?!").  Resentment leads to negativity, and the spiral down that path is very destructive.
 
Replenish! Take care of yourself by taking the time off due you, by saying no taking on projects for which you have no time, by turning your cell phone or PDA off (it's ok, really).  Give yourself a break, the gift of time, a moment to think, or even a massage!  Once you get past the self-imposed guilt giving to yourself will inevitably produce, you'll notice something else: You feel good - you feel rejuvenated. You feel ready to give, and give good stuff. And when that happens, you are even better able to give to others of yourself freely, without resentment.

I'll forgive. All of us, deep in our hearts, harbor at least some resentment - maybe a lot of resentment - against something someone did to us, or said about us, maybe years and years ago.  These old resentments can come at any time - maybe at 3am when we can't sleep, maybe when we are at work, or grocery shopping, or when another slight against us is perceived.  We play and re-play the scene(s) of the hurt over and over in our minds, wallowing in our feelings of victimization. It makes us bitter. It makes us miserable. And there is a way out.
Though we are powerless to change circumstances that have already gone by, we can change how we look at those circumstances now by forgiving the person, or cause, of our resentment(s) and let go. Harboring deep negative feelings doesn't hurt the person or thing on which you are focused, it hurts you. Forgiveness allows you to move on in a positive fashion, making your life's and work's journey so much easier. Forgive.
   
I will focus on the best. I believe we walk through this life with the choice of how we perceive each person we meet and each circumstance we are in. We can choose to see those people and circumstances in the best light or the worst. It is especially problematical for managers and Board members to stay focused on the best in people because many times the worst side is the one people present to us. So I propose that each day as we go about our jobs, we stay tuned to the reality of each situation; i.e., we give the negativity around us acknowledgement, but we do not let it overwhelm us by giving it more import than it truly requires. And for each negative event that does happen, challenge yourself to find something positive to think or say about that event even if it's only to be thrilled the event is over.
 
I'll laugh more. We laugh a lot in our house. We do. We're funny, or at least we think we are. My 11 year old is a very funny guy and obviously a chip off the ol' block.  I have friends all over the country who are, frankly, hilarious. These folks I may see one or twice a year and we pick up right where we left off - talking and laughing, cracking jokes. I don't know what I would do without them - folks who can always be counted on to be right there with me, giving me -0- slack and -0- boundaries and who make me laugh. Hard.

Most of us don't laugh enough in our lives, and frankly I don't get it. Our business is ripe with ridiculous and absurd situations. I mean really!  It may take you a few days, weeks or months to see the humor in some situations, but if you let it, it will come. Think of it as a "Field of Laughs."  Find those situations. Look for them. Laugh at those situations, and laugh at yourself.

So the last New Year's Resolution is a vow to laugh more often. Laughing promotes feelings of well-being, camaraderie, health and longevity. If you aren't getting a big, guffawing laugh at least three times a day - you aren't trying. Laugh. It's really funny out there and to prove my point, see below. This is a real email received by an on site manager in San Diego, CA, who then forwarded it on to me:
 
"I'm so SORRY that my dog peed on you!! He has never done that to anyone, it's just something about you that makes him so out of control!! I'm so embarrassed, I hope if anything you get to go home early now.....

"Again, sorry!"

You can't make this stuff up!