By Julie Adamen


For this article in the March 2009 HOA NewsLine in PDF format click here.

*Sigh* Like many of you out there, I suffer from bouts of insomnia.  Last night, I was awake between 2am and 4am. This means four good hours of sleep, then 2 lousy ones on the other end. For me, that's about functional for, oh, 2-3 weeks at a time.  But I'm not writing to complain about my sleeping habits. I'm writing because when you are awake in the middle of the night for extended periods of time, you have a grand opportunity to think.
 
I thought about how my fuse seems to be shorter than normal.  How, uncharacteristically, I am finding myself depressed these days. I don't mean laying-on-the-ground depressed, I mean a continual sense of unease as I go about my daily life.  Just out of sorts in general, and it's affecting much of my normal cheery persona. Of course it is as a direct result of the economic meltdown and my resultant frustration over our national politics in general. It's a helpless feeling, and I realized I hadn't felt like this since 9/11 (not to say our current fiscal problems are equal to the human tragedy we experienced in 9/11, but the malaise that followed). And I think a lot of you have been feeling the same.  And as I lay awake I began thinking about how managers will cope with this additional stress.  Not that managers are different from everyone else, but they do deal with far more negativity than most "normal" jobs, and that's in good times.
 
Successful managers have mechanisms to help them cope with normal work stress. This additional national stress may be more than managers, and indeed all of us, are likely prepared to handle. And not only are you managers out of sorts, but your clients, your vendors, your people and your family are all out of sorts with no end in sight: Anxiety is the new reality.  So, what can we do to help ourselves through this?   I have some tips that will help you cope with the disquiet, and cope with the disquiet of your clients. Don't forget that they are muddling through the same issues as you!

Limit your intake at the depression fountain!

Breaking News! This just in! Explosive story! Disaster looms while catastrophe strikes!

TV News: Always urgent, seldom important.  If you are trying to control your stress level, limit your intake of television news.  TV news, even when on in the background while you cook dinner or help the kids with their homework is an insidious stress inducer.  On TV news, the most unimportant of stories takes on an urgency that is always unwarranted.  If you live in Phoenix, an apartment fire in Miami doesn't have a darn thing to do with your everyday life but the TV makes you feel that it does. And there you are, watching that fire or hearing it in the background and the subsequent stories of people who lost everything. Don't get me wrong, it's a terrible thing, but as humans beings we can only take on so much misfortune and heartbreak which is not our own.  If we were meant to take it all on, we would have been hardwired to share all our human experiences as a collective. 
I don't advocate that you tune completely out of local or national news, but I do recommend less psychologically invasive methods of obtaining that news: The internet or newspapers.  You can read what is of interest and skim the rest, then put it away. Like a good traffic accident on the freeway, the more sensational they make TV news (and repeat it over and over), the more you are drawn to it. The more you are drawn, the more advertising revenue for the station. Stand up for mental health and recognize when to hit the off switch.

Find continuity.

Focus on what is unchanged.  What remains the same in your life? Your dog loves you. Your kids love you. The smell of fresh brewed coffee in the morning still is the best ever.  Your house is incredibly peaceful around 2am. You have a job in a recession resistant industry. Your co-workers are a pretty funny group.  Someone will call you today because Mrs. Schwartz parked in the wrong spot. The sun rises each day. Spring is on its way. Things will get better because this economic downturn is part of a cycle, just like the seasons.  It's not a permanent situation and is nowhere close to the Great Depression (no matter what the TV news says).  If you don't believe it, look it up.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_depression) We are blessed with so many things that make our lives worth living. I look at my son in the morning and know it's a wonderful life.  My family, my friends, my home and my community is where I find the solid foundation to meet each new day. These are the unchanged elements: Continuity that will provide us comfort, solace and strength.

Looking at your 401k balance everyday - because you can - is not a healthy thing to do and if you are 38 years old it doesn't matter anyway.  I'm not saying not to pay attention to your finances; I am saying that fixating on how much less your house is worth is emotionally unproductive. Think of it this way: If you weren't planning on selling for 7-8 years it also doesn't matter, and you still need a place to live, right?  These are hard times on us all, but a lot of our frustration will subside once we stop obsessing on our net worth like some daily tracking poll. Make the financial decisions you need to make, and move on.

Do things you enjoy and are good for you.
 
Have a passion. I love to cook, and I'm very good at it. I learned how to cook when I was the GM of a large association. The job was very, very stressful and I found that cooking when I came home (this was way before children) was a great way to separate work from home, relieve stress and be creative at the same time.  That was years ago.  Today I still will head to the kitchen when I need to feel grounded, which is a lot lately. Putting together great food (and great wine) is something over which I have control.  Whatever your passion - golf, reading, scrapbooking -  whatever you can drop yourself in to and spend a few hours that takes you completely away from the daily grind - don't put it off.  Do it.

Exercise.   Nothing lowers your stress level nor makes you feel a lot better in mind, body and spirit than exercise. Don't procrastinate or say you don't have time because you must make time. So, get out and walk, jog, take kickboxing or taekwondo. Find something you like to do that works up a sweat, and do it.  You will feel better in everything you do, and you will find your overall stress levels lowered. Really, you can't afford not to. And don't exercise to the TV News channel unless you like working at cross purposes.

Work on your locus of control.

Way back in the day I had a very stressful portfolio job - where the portfolio was a 900 unit community and several smaller subs inhabited by crazy people. Believe it or not we once had a three day - yes, three day - Board meeting where the number one sport for the crazy people was to pick on the management company. After day 2, I was so stressed out that when I left to go home that I stopped by the drug store and of all things bought a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle.  I worked on that puzzle for about a week until it was done. When I bought that puzzle, my work situation was flying out of control and all I could do was ride it out and hope for the best. Though I didn't know why at the time, the puzzle provided grounding, comfort and satisfaction. It gave me room the breathe. Sounds weird, right? 

Locus of control. The term 'locus of control' refers to whether you feel your life is controlled by you or by forces outside yourself. Those with an internal locus of control feel that they have choice in their lives and control over their circumstances; conversely, those with an external locus of control feel more at the mercy of external events. (1)  Although I didn't know it at the time, I was exerting my own internal locus of control when I worked on the jigsaw puzzle. At that moment, my work life was spinning out of my control, so instead of obsessing on that one part of my life, I put energy in to the simple task of placing puzzle pieces because I had control over it - and could finish it. 

Choose to be gracious and understanding.

"The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, the best of circumstances." (2) These days with ourselves and our residents feeling a tad overwhelmed with bad news those situations that are merely unpleasant can take on an inordinate negativity and those  angry calls seem  even more angry than before.  Yes, it's only a $10 late fee but to an owner who has just witnessed his retirement plan go up in smoke, it's not the $10, it's that one more thing has been taken from me.   Or it was only a letter telling a resident they weren't allowed to wash their car in the driveway, but to that resident it's one more thing be taken away from me (autonomy).  It may not be rational (that resident knew the rules when s/he moved in) but rationality seems to be irrelevant these days.  Your choice on how to react to residents when they are at their wits end can minimize adverse effect on everyone.

Choose a reaction with grace.  Yes, you too are stressed out. Yes, you too may have the same or worse problems than that owner. But within your capacity as a manager, who must field those angry communications, you can choose to respond with grace. Grace to give them all your attention (No emailing or texting at the same time), grace to feed back to them what their concerns are, showing you heard and listened, grace to follow up with a remedy. Are they angry? Yes, but you showed grace to understand where they are coming from, grace to forgive that anger, grace to allow yourself the breathing room and understanding not to be angry right back. 

Put good stuff out there.

"...for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."(3)   Now more than ever it is important to remember that what you put out in to the world will come back to you.  Are you putting   anger, frustration, incredulity, uncertainty, antagonism and exasperation into the world?  These negative emotions will come back to you ten-fold, especially in our business where we in management are the "No!" police.  Instead, choose to put joy out there even when you may not (yet) be feeling joy yourself.  Start by giving back:

Give back, and give first: Say "Thank you!" more often.  Managers are not thanked very often, and as a result may tend to not thank others enough, especially when we ourselves feel overwhelmed by work.  Even if you are never thanked for the hard work you do, say "thank you" to those who work hard, to your staff, to the accounting department, to your volunteer Board or committee members, to the landscaper and his crew, to the grocery clerk, to the flight attendant, to your child's teacher(s).  You'll find saying "thank you" becomes habit, and frankly it feels very good to thank others. You'll find that a "thank you" attitude will come back to you from your residents, co-workers, contractors, friends and others as well.

Gain perspective.
 
"Old age may not give you wisdom but it will give you perspective." (4)   For those of us born the latter half of the 20th century in the United States of America, we have known prosperity beyond any which or parents and grandparents could have imagined in their childhoods.  To many of us, the concept of The Great Depression is just that, a concept with little attachment to reality other than that which the media wishes to place on it to sell their cause du jour.  Likewise many of us are woefully ignorant with the events leading up to and in to with World War I and II (watching Saving Private Ryan doesn't count), and almost anything that happened prior to 1960. Our perspective and attention span, as a nation, is short. We must gain some historical perspective as to where we were 20, 40, 60, 80 or even 100 years ago to appreciate the economic ups and downs as course changes on a general upward trend. This is called perspective...

"Music - The one incorporeal entrance into the higher world of knowledge which comprehends mankind but which mankind cannot comprehend." (5)

This morning I have been listening to Beethoven's Piano Sonata # 14, known as the Moonlight Sonata, completed by the composer in 1801. The music is timeless, and is as beautiful and moving to me now as I am sure it was to the first members of the public who heard it 200 years ago, and those who will be hearing it 200 years from now.  This is music that has and will endure far beyond my lifetime and that of my son, and his children. So when it may seem as if things are crumbling around  us, it is comforting and wise to remember there are many enduring things in life, and that history has shown us they will be there tomorrow.  

Managers deal with much negativity during the course of a work day, more than most "normal" jobs. We take a lot of it in stride, accepting that's it's just what we do, we deal, and we move on.  But as I spoke to one management firm owner, she said that she felt the daily barrage of negative news on the economy just seemed like another 5, 10, 15 pounds on her back and the backs of her managers.  The negative news and the prevailing malaise was getting to her, and to them.   This general feeling as if we can't take on one more thing, not one more, is very real, and is creating havoc with our ability to cope with what would have been normal, everyday situations.  So how are we to keep moving forward with a semblance of feelings of normalcy? We have to control the intake of information, and recognize the good that is still here in plenty.

(1) http://stress.about.com/od/lowstresslifestyle/ss/control_5.htm
(2) Joseph Addison (1672-1719) English essayist, poet and politician.
(3) King James Bible, Galatians Chapter 6:8
(4) Paul Harvey, radio commentator (1918-2009) American radio broadcaster and syndicated commentator.
(5) Ludwig Van Beethoven (1770-1827) German composer and pianist.